mood swings

It's been a very bumpy August thus far but I feel like these lows always end up resulting in some sort of positive change(s).

I feel drastically different now than I did when I woke up. I woke up tired and sore from what I can only prescribe as a terribly slow moving anxiety attack. The things I thought the night before lingered in my head all morning as I got coffee and went to the ATM. I came home from the grocery store around noon and my roommate had asked me if I wanted her bed, which is significantly larger and firmer than the bed I've slept in for the past two years. I was delighted and  right away moved all my furniture around. Once I finished, I realized how within the duration of my rearrangin', I hadn't thought once of anything dreadful or overwhelming. It seems that that was exactly what needed to be done. 2 hours of maneuvering large things back and fourth through my slender door, reorganizing my books and wiping all the dust off of them, finding old photographs under my bed of Tess at NoHo Star (R.I.P.) and coming across a stack of manilla envelopes that have collectible and rare magazines in them. Some of the manilla envelopes also have letters and zines friends have made. One that I am so happy to have found is a little book my friend Sabrina made for my birthday that contains poorly printed photos of Björk and little notes about our friendship in the margins.

Ethan and I had lunch at Nepalese restaurant yesterday and then walked in the rain to McNally Jackson. I wrote in my journal and he read his new book. I left him and went home to watch Jeopardy and drink wine with two other friends of mine. After Jeopardy ended, we skipped around different channels - Reality shows, every variation of Law & Order, Friends, the local news, the world news and what have you. We stopped on Turner Classic Movies to watch the last 15 minutes of some Ingmar Bergman film starring Liv Ullmann. It was in classic Bergman nature that there wasn't much happening other than a clock ticking and Liv Ullmann running up to a house. My friends were bored but I was very comforted watching this. I usually get fidgety in these tedious moments but it felt like I was very little again playing with a string for hours on the living room floor; slightly bored but not bored enough to do much about it.

Tess and I went up to the Upper West Side the other day and walked up Amsterdam till we reached The Hungarian Pastry Shop. We sat outside and an older man started talking to us about some documentary series he's making about museums around the world. His plan is to have celebrities like Cate Blanchett and Monica Bellucci host different episodes. He left and so did we - making our way down to go take a look at The Dakota. I haven't been in a while and I read a book last month where a large part of it was about the apartments in the famous building. I pointed out to Tess which apartment I believed was Lauren Bacall's and the Bernstein's family. I felt sure in my knowledge but I was probably bullshitting for all I know. We got back downtown and wikipedia reminded me that it was in fact the 5th anniversary of Lauren Bacall's death! Coincidences always come for me.

Keeping busy really does do something to your mood. How do I always forget this?!