dusted

 The other day I decided it was finally time to go through my things and either dust them or ditch them. 

I began with my junk drawer, which in the beginning was difficult. To throw out something innately referred to as 'junk' is hard to justify throwing out at all. Why would one keep something they would call 'junk' in the first place? And if one would keep it why throw it out at all? In my junk drawer I found old ID's, lighters without any fuel, pens from Croatia, perfume samples, someone else's adderall, and empty envelopes with my name on them. I told myself to just throw it all away. I went into my kitchen and grabbed a trash bag and tore the drawer out of my dresser and turned it upside down across my bed. I sifted through everything with haste and kept only the old ID's and any lighters I got on vacation. There were some spare keys I threw into a Gucci bag along with an expensive perfume I was gifted last Christmas. 

I dusted some books. I can't throw away or get rid of any books. There doesn't seem to be a reason to. I am always perplexed when I see on Instagram that people are selling their copy of Bluets by Maggie Nelson. Just give it away! Books like that are meant to live in charity. There are expensive books that I could sell but I am too broke to sell them. I will only sell my expensive books when I have children and they can't eat. 

In my underwear drawer I went through about 15 bras that I have never worn. Two of them were bras that didn't fit and I only kept them for so long because they were once Bella Hadid's. It was clear the whole time that she had never in fact worn them and they were just donation. I threw those out with the lighters and empty envelopes. 

In my drawer of sweaters I had a particularly difficult time. For every sweater there is a perfect moment. I looked at all 30 of them and really looked hard. Most of them I was never going to wear so they went in the garbage with Bella Hadid's bras and the lighters and the empty envelopes.

After all was said and done, I vacuumed my carpet and fluffed my comforter. My room felt lighter. I took the three trash bags out and smoked a cigarette at my desk as I looked at all my hard work. I turned on NPR and Brian Lehrer was talking to those calling in about costume ideas for Halloween. There were only a few minutes left to call in. I was about to call and tell him about my chainmail when a woman called in and said "The best way to make a costume is to take all of the clothes you're about to throw out and really get creative with it! It's a win-win and its great for environment and your wallet!"