Saturday, January 4, 2020

nail biting in 2020

There are new people living in my building. They are maybe 30 years old or so. A group of girls. I've run into them twice now and they are always drunk acting like 12 year olds who accidentally ate toxic glue. I really can't handle them and their voices echoing 3 floors below mine. The other night I was sitting on my couch when I heard them all go on the roof. They went up and down and up and down and seemed to be having some sort of track and field event right above my peaceful abode. I looked through the peephole thing in the door and saw two go up and two go down the stairs. I heard the two who were on the roof were right over my room which is closer to the edge of the building. The two who went down were now inaudible and likely fetching more hard seltzer. I opened my door and ran up the stairs and locked the sad people on the roof. I felt much better. After their friends freed them the field day ended. 


Sleeping has been a rather strange experience as of lately. I've been rolling around a lot and sweating immensely. My dreams are so cryptic and forgettable but there remains an extracted energy long into the morning. Something scary began to happen in my dreams last night, I can't recall what was so frightening but on the bridge of waking I could feel that something bad was about to happen had I kept sleeping.

The movie theater I work at has been playing Uncut Gems which has been quite the talk of the town. Everyone asks each other if they've seen it and if they liked it. I personally felt it was just ok. I was entertained but my mind is still intact rather than blown as some have expressed. It's pretty, with Darius Khondji in charge of the imagery and camera and Adam Sandler is actually rather - Oh I just remembered one of my dreams...I was about to sleep with Adam Sandler ! - but yes Adam Sandler is very great to watch in the film. My friend Zoe has seen it twice and plans on a third viewing. 

Ethan and I saw Eyes Wide Shut on New Year's Day. I've seen it on the big screen 4 times now. I was madly exhausted and slightly hungover. I felt that maybe I was too tired and Ethan and I agreed as we sat down that we reserve the right to sleep, smoke and to maybe even leave. However, after nearly 3 hours, I hadn't taken my eyes off the screen. I did in fact pee during the orgy scene because I find that part irritating...but never the less, it is up there as one of my favorite films. While it's widely known that Eyes Wide Shut was shot in London on a soundstage, I did notice for the first time that the corner of St. Marks and 2nd Avenue are in a transitional scequence for 3 or so seconds. You can see Gem Spa and Dallas BBQ. I found that strange considering that none of the street names are actual New York street names and the New York you see on screen is fully artificial. Why that one shot of reality? Likely no real reason but I'm sure all of the Kubrickian conspiracy theorists would argue that there lie some thorough allegorical message behind the 3 seconds. At home, I texted Ethan, Maybe he just really loved Dallas BBQ. 

On my birthday last Saturday, I spent most the day just meandering about. I sat with Ethan in the park and we went to Essex Street Market to find some food. I do miss the old and more local Essex Market that felt more useful and less of a playground but I will say there are some new vendors that are a nice addition. That's merely it though and I would still opt for the past. The biggest thing that bothers me about the multi-million dollar renovation is the strange concept of memorializing all of the family owned businesses that have since shuttered due to the climbing rents and high-speed gentrification that the new Essex Street Market is too a product of. 
Afterwards, I walked up to the East Village and watched my friend Brett skateboard. He's 30-something and works on railroads in rural Canada. He's in town for a few weeks and we have been spending some time together. He has a nice scar on his face and one missing tooth. He would look worse without these little details. He can skate pretty well and smokes as much as I do so we can eat meals with ease together. We ate egg sandwiches one day last week and he recommended I read a book called The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yucknavitch. It's an impressive book and I rarely read anything people tell me to, but I am rather pleased! It's not often I say shit like "I can't put it down!" but the truth is, I can't. 

2020 looks sexy when written. 20 is already a nice number. I love when things cost exactly $20. I like when I've read 20 pages in a book or spent 20 minutes doing something. I like getting paid in twenties. I liked being 20. I like that 20 is two 10's and four 20's is 100. I like that 2020 is two twenties but it's not 40. There will be no more nail biting for me in 2020! 

Goodreads asked me if I'd like to set a goal this year. I said 75 books. That means I'd have to sometimes read two books a week but definitely always one. I feel confident I can do so. 

My biggest pet peeve lately is when men call me man. I don't mind when people say he or him but there is something really nauseating about a guy in a suit coming into the restaurant I work at and patting me on the back while saying "Thanks man." after I seat him. The period in that quote is incredibly necessary as these men say "Thanks man." as if I just saved him from getting in the wrong Uber. These kinds of guys are always waiting for their Tinder date to arrive and then lie to them. I come here all the time. No you don't. I've never seen you here. They are the kind of men who ask me where he can get a drink and meet someone around here. They are the kind of men who ask me as they are leaving if the theater thats downstairs plays artsy movies and stuff. The kind of men who when drunk enough, hit on me then get angry that I'm not full woman. I get angry when I hear their voices coming near me and I truly despise most every atom in their bodies. I didn't always and I don't think its because I'm some sort of raging liberal feminist looking for someone to hate, I think I just don't like them. I occasionally have these grand fantasies where I take the bottle of wine I'm opening for them and breaking it on their heads in front of their hostage of a date. The fantasy satisfies me enough to forget about my own rage and tend to the elderly couple struggling to chew their steak frites.

I tried to like everyone who walked into work last night. I had to actively remind myself to be incredibly kind. It was a nice feeling but towards the end I went to back to my usual self. These 6 name-dropping sickos tried to just sit wherever they pleased so I told them to leave and go to another bar 6 blocks away where there is more space for them. They left thinking I was being funny. I was, I guess, being funny. That's the nice thing about being small and mean. No one is scared of you so they just laugh and there is no can I speak to the manager please when arguing with me. They just leave.

Wow I sound like such a bitch. I guess I am this week but that's ok. Next week I'll be an angel, I'm sure.






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